Posted: March 10, 2021 in: Pain-2-Power

PAIN-2-POWER QUESTIONS FOR THREE DADS WHO HAVE TWO LITTLE KIDS

Three men who are polyamorous and gay and define themselves as a “throuple” have won the right to have their three names added as the legal parents of two toddlers.  The babies were conceived using donated eggs from one woman.  After being fertilized with semen from all three of the men, two surrogates each carried one of the babies to term.  One is male and the other is female.  So, the family of five—three dads and two children—now begins an unprecedented journey that will reveal, at least in this case, how the children fare under the guidance of their three legal dads.

I won’t give an opinion here on whether having three parents on one’s birth certificate should be legal or not.  I will only raise questions that are worth pondering for those committed to the Pain-2-Power path of not shying away from tough questions that can yield important knowledge.  I hope the three dads will be watchful for the answers and open to thinking them through over time.  Here are some of them:

  1. What is the positive or negative psychological impact, if any, of being a female raised in a home in which there is no female role model?
  2. What is the positive or negative psychological impact of being a male raised in a home in which there is no adult who has zero sexual interest in people of that child’s gender? In other words, a boy raised by a father and a mother is presumably in an environment in which one of his parents (his father) simply has no sexual interest in people with male anatomy.
  3. What is the psychological impact of not necessarily knowing who one’s biological mother is and which of three men one’s biological father is—until and unless, as an adult, one were to seek the information through a DNA analysis service like 23&Me?
  4. What is the potential psychological impact of more parents joining the family as step-parents, should the polyamorous group of men decide to include a fourth man?

These questions are ones I suspect will only be answered retrospectively, if at all, after decades have elapsed.  If the answers are (and I do not know) that the children of this family and others who follow in their footsteps (which they will) are more likely to experience psychological difficulties or other problems, will their difficulties automatically be said to be the result of prejudice against them or their parents or both?

If parents of other children choose not to encourage their children to have sleep overs at the new family’s home, will those parents be labeled racist and canceled?

I don’t hate anyone.  Really.  I promise.  I’ve already been canceled once.  I’d like to avoid being canceled twice.  But I wouldn’t want my children to grow up and become part of three-parent, all one gender families.  Even if it made my children happy, I don’t have enough information about the likely outcomes for the kids they would create.  Does that make me reprehensible?  Should I be stoned in the public square?  Banished?

Will the law recognize a majority of the three parents (2 out of 3) as sufficient to bless any serious medical procedures that are needed (and I hope none ever are) for the children?  Or must the decision be unanimous?

We are breaking free of many customs and constraints previously embraced, whether due to cultural, legal or religious roots.  As we do, let’s ask the painful questions that give us the data we need to be the most powerful people we can be.

Dr. Keith Ablow

    

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